I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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