Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
