well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
