I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
