I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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