p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
