wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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