i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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