"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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