I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
