Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize