the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
