I am spending my child support on dildos
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
