The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
