Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
