He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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