I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
