All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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