I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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