i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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