He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
