just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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