and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
