mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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