So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
