did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
