So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
