I can text with my tongue
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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