I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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