"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
