I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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