her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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