Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
