So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
