im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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