Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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