he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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