New low: just hacked my moms facebook
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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