why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
why is half of my head shaved?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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