So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
