i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize