Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
