I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
