I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
