I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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