Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize