This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
