Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
