Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it wasn't lemon gatorade
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
