I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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