i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
