I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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