I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
