you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
