I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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