I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?