They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."