I'm fucking your sister right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.