Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.